39 Things Women Will Just NEVER Understand About Being A Man

May 5, 2016

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1. We always have to make the first move

Some of us really wouldn’t mind if you made the first move.

2. How utterly socially alone we are sometimes

How utterly socially alone we are sometimes. Most women seem to have many friends that they could call on in a second to provide deep emotional support. No guy friend has ever put their arm around me and told me it’s going to be OK. I don’t know any man I could cry to or just be with if I’m feeling down and desperate. Sure we can relate, and we can complain to each other. We can go out for a drink and talk and listen to problems and give solid advice and be there for the other guy. It doesn’t seem the same as the emotional support I see many women have, it’s an incredible gift to be able to let yourself go. Also, if you put an eye-tracking camera on the average dude and reviewed the footage of them walking down the street it would be a sea of breasts and butts. I barely know what my own main road looks like because every time I walk down it I’m looking at the ass of the girl walking in front.

3. If you’re with kids, people assume you’re a pedophile

That when I (a white guy) take my (black) nephews out to the park, I get looks from women that are the He is a sexual predator. I have had police come up to me twice because women thought I was there planning on stealing someone’s kid even though I was there with my nephews. Another time, I was walking with my nephews and a women came up to me, looked at them and said ‘Do you know this man’ they said yes and she said Are you sure, he didn’t take you or is hurting you is he. This is something that I have heard other guys deal with too, not just myself.

4. Men live in a world where you are constantly unwanted, rejected, and outright feared, just for existing

Women complain about how they are constantly being objectified and desired by men all the time. Try a world where you are constantly unwanted, rejected, and outright feared, just for existing.

5. Women constantly attack us, and we’re not allowed to complain

How helpless we are against the nasty mean looks, jokes, jabs and other subtle ways women attack us with. And on top of that, how society forces us to not complain about it.

6. As a man you have absolutely no implicit value

The sort of silent expectation. It’s a difficult thing to articulate but it basically boils down to a sense of carrying everyday weight on ones shoulders in the absence of recognition or validation.

As a man you have absolutely no implicit value. With women there is a sense of validation, support, and even celebration surrounding many aspects of your life. Men are not seen as having any sense of valuable identity, beauty, or character. A woman with a career and a college degree is a unique success and glowing individual who is to be celebrated. A man with a career and a degree is only ever “good enough,” to meet the expectation enough that you aren’t ridiculed or seen ostensibly as a failure. Women with high levels of sexual activity may be called slut behind their backs, but they are also celebrated as being empowered. Promiscuous men are called assholes and considered predatory for expressing their sexuality. Many gorgeous men spend their entire lives without ever being complimented once by anyone other than their mother.

Patriarchal structures give men many societal advantages, but from a social psychological standpoint men tend to live lives devoid of positive reinforcement or celebration of the things they do or represent.

7. The constant absence of romance

The constant absence of romance for many men. I really think most women fail to realize the effect it has when you have an OKCupid account for like 2 years and never once getting a message. Then on top of that many men frequently try to express that they like a girl and are turned down. Repeatedly. For years and years. Many men can go many years with the certainty that no woman is thinking of them romantically and many even with open disgust. I mean it’s not absolutely terrible because most men I think learn to just dull out how depressing it really is and many of them (myself included) have extremely fulfilling male and male friendships. Even though, the truth is always there and sometimes you think about how shitty it is.

8. When a little boy falls down, we tell them to stop crying, get up, and go play

Women have to remember that the stoic stone motioned man that you see has been trained to be like that since the age of five. With a little girl falls down, people give a shit. When a little boy falls down, we tell them to stop crying, get up, and go play. So no amount of psychotherapy, analyzing, and health articles on how important emotions are is going to be able to rework what’s essentially two or three decades of emotional brainwashing. So much of how we bring up men is about forging guys to keep their eye on the prize no matter what. Things hurt? Tough through it. Lose a game? Learn, and then tough through it. Don’t like doing something? It’s character building, tough through it. I get that women want guys to be more emotionally connected or sympathetic. But just remember what you’re working with.

9. We’re expected to be tough on the outside, but never sensitive on the inside

Expected to be tough on the outside, but never sensitive on the inside since we’re not actually supposed to show weakness even when it’s called for 🙁


10. We don’t get complimented on our looks

20 years passed before I was told by a woman other than my mother that I was handsome. If you think a guy is handsome TELL him. Chances are he hasn’t heard it in a long time. Obviously some women aren’t very often told that they’re beautiful, and some men are told that they’re handsome all the time but it seems to me there’s still a large discrepancy there.

11. Nothing’s wrong; we’re just quiet

Sometimes guys are quiet. Nothing is wrong. I just don’t have any words worth saying.

12. We suffer from gender stereotypes, too

Gender stereotypes exist for us. I’m a stay at home dad. I’ve been called terrible things all because I don’t work like a man should. This happens even though I also collect VA disability because of injuries sustained while in the USMC. I’ve been told I’m not a good role model for my son. Called a degenerate, even though I’m a college graduate. I’ve even been told im not a real man. It’s really really depressing.

13. We’re always under pressure to be successful

The requirement to be established. Have an established job, have a house, to be independent. It may just be because of my age but most of the girls I know prefer older guys because they are more likely to have aspects of their lives set up. I have no idea what my future is going to hold, but I keep that as quiet as I can.

14. It’s hard to tell whether we’re attractive to women

It might just be me but I can never tell whether or not I am at least a semi-attractive person. It’s like I can look at a few women and know which one I think looks the best but if I look at a few guys (save for exceptionally ugly ones), it’s really hard to tell who looks the best. To me they are just dudes and so am I. Hard to know if I’m attractive to women or not and my mind automatically assumes no.

15. We have to provide physically, financially, emotionally, and mentally for our families

The expectations that we carry all the time. We have to provide physically, financially, emotionally, and mentally for our families. We have to bust ass at work where we provide physically, financially, emotionally and mentally for our bosses and customers. We have to buck up if we are down because it can’t effect our work or the whole thing crumbles. We can’t really call in sick without being ridiculed with having a ‘man cold”. We are expected to be everyone’s rock and support system when there isn’t much for us in terms of coping for that kind of dependancy. I get stressed and bogged down but I can’t let it show to much because no one really cares. My wife tries but she has her own heap of problems that I’m trying to help her figure out and be their to support her because that’s my job as husband. There are a few people that I would bury a body for and those few people I can actually trust with me breaking down and them helping put me back together. This is why guy’s relationships are so strong. We have seen each other at our weakest points and our strongest and usually get through rough patches by working it out with them. Sure our SO’s are consulted as well but men and women think things differently. Every once in a while I get so tightly wound with everything that I just let out a good cry and get back to it. My wife wonders why I take 30 mins or so in the washroom, it’s just quiet time. I don’t get bothered, I just get alone time to be with myself and my thoughts. I’m just rambling at this point but yeah, stresses we deal with.


16. We are stressed out to the point of breaking our body or cracking our mind

How incredibly stressed out most of us are. People expect men to work themselves to the bone. Your boss will constantly be yelling at you unless you are literally working hard enough to break your body or crack your mind. This is why most guys when asked How was your day? will reply It was fine. and not want to say anymore. We are home. We are safe now. We dont want to talk about the period of physical and mental torture we just went through. Use ANY other topic and you’ll get a nice social conversation like you enjoy.

17. We mean what we say

That I don’t mean more than I say. There is no secret meaning hidden in every sentence. It means what it says, nothing else.

18. We’d like a back rub in return every once in a while

That it would be nice if you rubbed my back once in a while.

19. It’s a lot of responsibility to “be a man”

I don’t think women understand just how much responsibility it takes to be a man. In most cases (not all), men are usually the ones who provide for a family. We’ve been told that all our lives that we are going to provide for our spouse and children. Now, pair that along with going to school, maintaining a job, starting and keeping a relationship, etc. It’s probably incredibly hard to be an unattractive male with little money. At the same time, as many others have pointed out, we are expected to mask our emotions and put on a fake persona almost. I’m not saying I want to cry all the time, but we have been taught (at least in Western society) to be a man. Being a Shia Muslim, I was listening to sheikh who was making a speech, and he said that the whole concept of not showing emotion and ‘being a man’ is completely wrong. That really struck me as I’ve never heard a man say that publicly. I guess these were just some of the things I wanted to get off my head.

20. We can be sexually harassed, too

Guys can be sexually harassed, too.

21. Why we always gotta be the big spoon?

Sometimes we want to be the little spoon.


22. Men have to prove themselves every day to someone

Men can get angry but cannot pinpoint the reason. To me, men have to prove themselves every day to someone. This gets tedious. Men do not deal with emotional pain very well and keep it internalized. After years of this behavior men can become very angry. I need a hug.

23. We can be thinking nothing at all, or just some of the stupidest shit ever

The fact that we can be thinking nothing at all, or just some of the stupidest shit ever. Like if a chimp would beat a kangaroo in a fight.

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24. We can live our entire adult lives without receiving a single compliment from anybody

That for most of us, we can live our entire adult lives without receiving a single compliment from anybody.

25. We can be incredibly insecure about our looks

We can be incredibly insecure about our looks. Sorry for not being a six-pack fucking jacked 10/10 6-foot-4 model.

26. We imagine saving the whole room from a crazed gunman

We imagine saving the whole room from a crazed gunman. Almost daily.

27. Random boners

Random boners and our ability to go on with what we were doing. There is an outstanding chance that a guy has spoken directly to your face with a random boner…just tucked up into the waistband, half an inch of cloth away from poking out and smiling at you.


28. No one ever asks us out

No one ever asks us out. Seriously I’ve had women flirt with me, and instead of asking them out I’m sitting there wishing they would ask me out. It makes me feel seriously unwanted.

29. How shitty the phrase be a man is

How shitty the phrase be a man is.

30. We do not understand hints, so you need to get to the point

That we do not get hints, any hint even obvious ones. We men do not care about approaching subjects subtly. Get to the point tell us what you want/mean/need. If you drop a hint to us men you may as well have spoken another language. Honestly hints do not translate in the male brain to anything other than “i have no idea what you just said/asked/mentioned.

31. Brutal self-consciousness

Brutal self-consciousness. Women aren’t the only ones who have bad hair days or random acne, and as a man, if you do anything to hide your physical flaws, you’re immediately mocked as vain, feminine, and pathetic. You think it’s easy to ask a girl on a date? Because that’s pretty much the only way we get to go on dates, and asking a girl out is the most terrifying thing ever. Women don’t realize, because they’re used to being approached so often that they don’t have to put any effort in. Even if you like a specific guy, the most I’ve ever seen a woman do is hint that she wants him to ask her. We are bad at picking up these hints, and thus terrified of rejection.


32. You’re not allowed to express any emotion besides happiness or contentment

Something I have learned recently, and that has been absolutely crushing to me, is just how much a man displaying any emotion besides happiness or contentment is abhorred. I had a girlfriend and a very close female friend at the time tell me a while ago that they thought I should be more open with them, that it would be a lot healthier for me. I think they are very right about that, but it has been an awful 6 months since I started trying to be more open to my own emotions and honest with it to my friends. The people asking me to open up quickly began avoiding me, the support I received in the beginning quickly dwindled to nothing, and it just drove me into a horrid depression that I’m still not fully through. In the end, it caused me to lose one of my closest friends completely, and caused my girlfriend and I to split. The two of us are currently still friends, but nowhere near as close as we once were. The worst is how I have heard them both talk about this entire thing, the ex-friend actively ridiculing me and my ex-girlfriend not understanding what I was going through at all.

Sadness and poor mental health are so incredibly taboo for men in our society. Anger is also very taboo but somehow expected at the same time. I often hear/see people say that they wish more men would open up and be in touch with their emotions. I think they are right that it would be a good thing, but I also can’t help but think they don’t really mean it.

33. We hardly ever get complimented

Being complimented, for any reason, is weird. Men don’t get compliments as frequently as women do. And when we actually are complimented, we believe there might be malice or sarcasm within a compliment where none existsimply because of the infrequency of it.

34. The weird tangents our minds take

The weird tangents our minds take if we’re not doing anything for a while. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes men just need to figure out an optimal strategy for defeating a 250-pound jaguar in a cage match.For the curious, I recommend pushing your non-dominant arm down its throat and grabbing its windpipe. Apply pressure with the other arm so that you strangle it from within. Your arm/shoulder will get fucked up, but you’ll survive. Don’t turn your back to itjaguars hunt by biting through the back of the skull and destroying the brain.

35. You just kinda feel disposable

I don’t think women understand how much of a grind being a man can be. It can just wear you out, mentally, physically, and emotionally. You just kinda feel disposable.

As an American man the life cycle is basically: Go to school for 16 or more years, get a job, work your whole life, die.

Sometimes it seems like no matter how hard you work, there is very little recognition, celebration, or validation for your efforts. It’s just expected of you. And if you don’t like it, then your boss, or wife, or whatever will find someone who does. You’re always expected to be able to perform, whatever the task. And if you fail, you’re a disappointment. And you can’t really express frustration/emotion either. Unless it’s to someone very close to you… But even then sometimes all you get is a sucks bro.

Or if you don’t meet certain milestones, you’re a failure. No degree? No house? No car? Don’t have a good job? Why not? I don’t think I’m speaking for others when I say there’s a real fear that if you’re not ‘successful’, you won’t be considered attractive as a mate.

And as a man it’s your job to take the initiative on everything and it’s incredibly taxing. Especially when every relationship you’ve had has involved you being hurt. Whether it’s rejection, lying, abuse, manipulation, etc.

Of course I can only speak out of my own experiences… But, after a while sometimes I just kinda want to give up.

36. The agony of balding

The toll that balding takes on a man’s emotional health.

37. Guys have ZERO emotional support structure

Guys have emotional support structure. Like, fuck. Anytime I try to tell anyone I have real emotions or opinions I get shot down to the point where I don’t really feel talking to anyone anymore.

It’s easily the largest problem in my life, and from what I understand, I lot of guys have to deal with it through out their entire teenage/young adult life.

38. We can be incredibly emotional or philosophical

How incredibly emotional or philosophical men can be. What she sees: me sitting on the lawnmower. What I’m actually doing: I wonder what happens when I die.

39. Sexism goes both ways

That sexism is a double-edged sword. With the success of female emancipation during the last century, western society as a whole became more aware of the prejudice and discrimination women are facing, and thus gradually worked towards providing women with equal opportunities and respect. Awareness has been raised, and the whole societal environment changed because of that. However, because men previously had superior roles assigned by birth, it was generally assumed that they have no problems to complain about because of their given privilege. But with a change in the societal environment, the public view and treatment of men should change accordingly. We have emotions and feelings too, and the desire to express them lies within our nature. Not every man is a predator of offender by default, and while i don’t want to deny the atrocities committed by my ancestors, prejudice and discrimination are universal, and not bound by gender. The war is over. We no longer have to hide our burden in order to ensure survival, but we do need encouragement to break with these traditions for ourselves.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-jensen-iii/2016/04/39-things-women-will-just-never-understand-about-being-a-man/

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